Hey how are you?

hello@mikebell.io (Mike Bell) — Tue, 04 Oct 2016 00:00:00 +0000

Like most conversations do it starts with a “Hey, how are you?”. What people don’t know is the mental twists that my brain goes through in the split second it takes me to answer.

Do I tell them:

my heart is jumping out of my chest?
my brain is wound up tight?
I’d rather be somewhere else where I felt safe?
I’m struggling with anxiety?
I spend most of my day close to tears?
I’m a fraud?
I have no idea what I’m doing?

All these things I have to deal with on a daily basis. My anxiety scares me into being something I’m not. Medication helps but I’m aware of the anxiety clawing at the back of my brain waiting to get out and explode. The scary thing is is that I can hide it so well. I guess to a certain extent that’s how I cope with things, pushing it away until I’m ready to deal with it or things get out of hand. It seems to work for me up to a point.